Just ask Baryshnikov. Why Olivia and Dora should kick the Disney Princesses’ butts

Really girls?Sasha and I bought this Disney Princess book for Liron a few years ago. It’s a picture book with song lyrics and a long-lost toy cell phone  There is one song in particular that I cringe over when singing, as I’m most often singing the songs myself for Liron. It goes like this:

Here comes the bride,
All dressed in white,
Her dreams all come true on her wedding day.

Gag me.

There are three main things that really piss me off about this song.

  1. All dressed in white: Is our bride really a virgin? Nope. I wasn’t. Neither were you. Get over it.
  2. Her dreams all come true on her wedding day: Yes of course, the wedding makes it all happen. Get married, and boom, you got it all.
  3. Her dreams all come true: All of her dreams? Every single one?? Does she know what all her dreams are at the ripe old age of xx? Well, I guess it’s time to take a lethal dose of heroin and end it all since there are no more dreams to create or look forward to.

What the hell are we teaching our kids here?  This is so typical of the Disney Princesses. Believe me, every time I sing this song to Liron I tell her it’s really a ridiculous song and she can’t buy into it. We owe our kids more than this, right?

Now how about two bad ass chicks, Olivia and Dora? Yeah, now we’re talking.

Now here's what I'm talking about Meet Olivia. She’s a pig with an attitude. She has ideas, adventures, and is sassy and smart. She does ballet. She goes to the beach, and the museum (on rainy days). She laughs in the face of Jackson Pollock (“I could do that in about five minutes.”). She hates to sleep, loves to read, and from time-to-time gets a “time out.” Sound like anyone you know? Yup, this is one pig I love. And speaking of love, Mikhail Baryshnikov himself endorses Olivia in one of her books – says what a fabulous piggie ballerina she is. Now really, how much more arm-twisting do you need?

She's an exciting chick

Next, meet Dora. Dora is an adventurous chick who is handy, always prepared, bilingual (English and Spanish speaking), loves books, and is a great leader. Dora doesn’t sit on her ass eating ice cream, crying over the hot football player who dumped her. Nope, she’s too busy doing gymnastics, consulting her map to go places, and dancing to uplifting music with lyrics like “You did it! You did it!” Need I say more?

And now, a brief letter to the fallen ladies of Disney.

Dear Disney Princesses,

I’m sorry that your stories begin and end with a prince’s inevitable discovery of your pure innocence and true love because it’s kind of old and boring and doesn’t really share anything positive with others. You bore me and I pity you. Now I need to go off on adventure. Don’t go getting depressed when your prince decides he’s bored with you and going for Olivia or Dora cause they’re REAL WOMEN.
Sincerely, a concerned human.

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4 thoughts on “Just ask Baryshnikov. Why Olivia and Dora should kick the Disney Princesses’ butts

  1. Oh God, how I loathe that princess $#!+. I still remember the first time I heard a grown woman (my roommate) say she spent her entire childhood and most of her adult life ‘daydreaming’ about her wedding day. I was a senior in college and completely repulsed, shocked, and frankly, quite confused. To make it worse, our other roommate chimed in echoing the exact same sentiment.

  2. Love this – and I agree that Dora and Olivia are WAY better! We once had a princess book home from the library and it was pretty lame. Luckily my daughter is more into Diego and animals. There is no way I’m promoting princess/ wedding obsession!

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