It’s all fun and games until someone loses 32 ounces of blood

momAnd how did YOUR vacation begin, dear reader? Mine started off, um, early. There I was last Thursday night drinking a glass of red wine during happy hour at the office of a pretty fantastic advertising agency, my professional creative partners, when all of a sudden my mom texts asking me where I was. Arg!! There I was enjoying myself, getting a nice little buzz on when I should have been moving my car out of the garage, freeing the spot for my mom. And her Moroccan meatballs. And latkes. But her message was cryptic. She wasn’t exactly at my place yet …

Rather, oh, well, she was at the emergency department at a hospital near her home. A good one. The kind that’s highly ranked and does blood work rather than telling you “things happen” which I’m beginning to realize is the blanket response given to heavy people. As in “you’re tired, out of breath, you fainted.” It happens!

So there’s my dear mommy in the hospital. Trying to be brave while going from exam to exam; her voice cracking as she informs me she’s losing blood from somewhere. God knows where. And she’s getting two blood transfusions – enough to get all those Twilight asshole drunk! Her hemoglobin levels were so low. This should have been pinpointed weeks ago. After she was officially admitted, I showed up to her room with a big penguin. The first sign this hospital was better than the previous one? The attending physician stopped by her room, saw the penguin, and looked downright mystified. “There is a penguin on the bed!?!” he said, somewhere between amused and possibly concerned, wondering if he patient went AWOL.

Long story short, friends and family. All is well. She became severely anemic. And she is to be monitored closely. And I am her proxy. Nah ah ah!!!

I am reminded of the scene in the beginning of Fight Club where Brad Pitt’s character finds some guy at a convenience store and if I remember correctly he nearly kills him, or acts like he is going to kill him, but then he sends this guy on his way telling him this is going to be the happiest night of his life. And to this I say “Yes!” Enjoy the moments. Appreciate the good ones, and know tomorrow it could all be over. Question mortality. Embrace it. Take care of yourselves when possible.

I’m a grown-ass woman but when these type of things pop up let’s just say my ability to function goes down. Now that we’re all checked out, attended to and well vacation is officially on!

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